Most of us discover sex in our teens, through a combination of awkward experimentation and urban legends from our friends. We then ‘supplement’ these ‘skills’ with various kinds of porn, and the combination of these dubious sources doesn’t exactly satisfy our partners. We have to get the right facts and techniques.
A male erection can last anything from 30 seconds to a record-breaking 23 minutes, and men wrongly assume that the longer they thrust, the more satisfied their partner will be. In reality, if a woman is aroused enough before penetration, she can actually orgasm within those 30 seconds. This is even more likely if she’s ovulating.
That said, it generally takes women longer to climax than their male partners, so learning to hold your erection longer is a key part of improving your sexual performance and longer lasting. Another key is knowing how to stimulate her sexual response before penetration. This involves – among other things – getting her in the right mood long before you reach the bedroom. Here are a few more suggestions.
Eat (and drink) right
While this solution is in no way sexy, it’s the best way to go. Erections happen when blood flows to your penis, so a healthy diet which reduces cholesterol, improves circulation, lowers blood pressure and enhances antioxidants will improve your bedroom performance in the long term. It will also increase your energy levels and enhance your stamina.
This is important because sometimes, even though you still have an erection, you’re simply too tired to keep thrusting. Try walking for 30 minutes every day or using the stairs instead of the lift. You’d be surprised how much this helps you stop the one-pump-chump effect.
Exercise your man parts
You may have heard about kegels. They’re mostly thought of as something women do to tighten their vaginal muscles after childbirth, but they’re also handy during sexscapades, and they work well for men too, especially in preventing premature ejaculation.
In men, urine and semen both come from the urethra, so the kegel feeling of ‘stopping urine in mid-pee’ is just as helpful in stopping semen in mid-ejaculation. Doing five quick kegels will slow your roll and buy you a few more minutes of erection, as well as making your eventual ejaculation more powerful.
Stay in the game
The orgasmic reflex can be overpowering and its easy for it to carry you away, so it helps to stay grounded. Focus on your partner. Look at her face, her body, and the way she’s responding to you. It will take your attention off your ejaculation and slow it down a bit, while also making you a better lover, because you can see how much she likes (or dislikes) a particular move and change things up accordingly.
Another option is to use a more direct approach. When your orgasm is about to start, switch your mind to something non-sexual. Some men (mentally) say the alphabet backwards, count to a hundred, recite their multiplication tables or list capital cities. Be careful though, because if you get too distracted, you may go beyond pausing your orgasm and end up losing your erection completely.
Spend more time on foreplay
Many men prefer to skip over foreplay. Once they learn the moves that work on their partner, they quickly cycle through them and get to the ‘main game’. This can be counterproductive because their partner will feel like he’s following a formula – which he is. That can put her off, or worse, make her bored.
Foreplay bonds your partner to you, and it raises her levels of arousal so that when you do penetrate her body, her muscles will be more engorged and her vagina will be better lubricated so she will climax sooner. But foreplay helps you too. It slows your orgasmic reflex and builds it up more gradually, making your delayed release more explosive.
This is probably the most common technique for delayed orgasm, but it needs a great deal of concentration and perfect timing. When you feel your ejaculation nearing but before it goes past the tipping point, stop everything. Don’t move, don’t thrust, don’t grind – just freeze. You could do some kegels at that point, if you can focus enough.
For some men, they have to completely pull out of their partner and wait a few seconds. After you’ve calmed down, resume your sensual activities. While this does make your eventual orgasm so much stronger, it can be frustrating to your partner since it essentially delays her orgasm as well, so make sure she’s okay with it first.
For your partner’s benefit, it may be helpful to switch to an alternate form of sexual activity when you stop, like oral sex or finger play. This is a good tip, because it means her path to orgasm continues, and since women can have multiple orgasms at a time, combining start-stop with oral, fingers, and toys can give her five orgasms by the time you have one, which makes you a stud by any standards. Work with your partner and see what’s best for you both.